So since casey left i have some issues i wouldlike to talk to him about. For instance, are you ever planning on being apart of her life... like going to soccer games and picking her up from school kind of involvment. or are you planning on living in wyoming and being a long distance father???? And how long do you think it will take to get on your feet so i can ask for child support??? ( im letting him get some money saved up to get a car and a real job before i ask so he doesn't fall behind)
But when ever i bring up important things like this he automatically gets defensive. And starts screaming at me telling me that i know why he left and i know the situation hes in. Yes i do know why he left and i kinda know the situation hes in, but i don't understand why i can't get somesort of answer. OR why can't he just be calm and tell me he's not in the right frame of mind to talk about such an issue. But its very hard to catch him at a good time to talk about it. During the day hes "working" and at night hes drinking. And i can't have a proper conversation with him if he always drunk.
So i end up hanging up on him and saying things ill never do or mean. But its starting to bother me. And i really just don't want to talk to him anymore. at least not until he learns to controll his fellings for the sake of our daughter. I don't want to send pictures or email him or ANY kind of involment with him untill he can handle the important things as well with the good. I mean dont i deserve some respect too??? I am the one who is taking care of our daughter and sacraficing friends, fun, work, and me time to care for her. And thats not a big thing for me becasue she is my life and i would do anything for her. But what gets to me is while im sitting at home every night..hes out drinking and partying and having a grand ole' time. Yet still telling me that he misses her and crap. Wouldn't you just want to work and get as much money as possible so you could come see her and be with her again if you really missed her???
I don't know I just would love to be able to talk to him and know what his plan in and whats goingg through his head. So that i could feel better. Is that to omuch to ask for???
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Some Loaded Thoughts
Okay so its been a while. but my daughter and i have both been sick. Really sucky. But now we are all better for the most part.
Things in life i suppose are looking up. I got a part time job bartending a couple nights a week. which is great cuz I'm not a huge fan of drinking or parting. so this way when all of my friends go out i get to see them and get paid!!! and I'm hoping I'll get into this CNA class. so i don't have to bartend for the rest of my life!!( not that there is nothing wrong with that there's just not retirement plan with most of those jobs) so I'm just hoping that that goes through.
Unfortunately things with Casey are not going as well as i would have hoped for. Tuesday we talked...fought... i forgot about it and left a voice mail of our daughter laughing. Wednesday I try to get ahold of him but his phones dead. So i call his brother, to let him know allayna has a cold and not feel well at all. His brother said that he would get ahold of him but i never heard from Casey. So I'm so mad at this. All I'm thinking is "why isn't he calling?" and " does he not care about allayna anymore?" So he finally calls on Friday say he didn't have service or a phone. so whatever. but while I'm telling him about things here he proceeds to tell me about his week and how he went out to the bar and got into a fight. and while hes saying this I'm thinking " I thought that you were out WORKING in the boondocks with no money or a vehicle.......HMMMM" but i didn't say anything cuz I'm trying really hard not to care or show that i care what hes doing
The point is that I'm not sure who Casey is mad at. ME or HIM??? I understand that he left ( part of the reason) because we didn't get along. No one was happy. I was mad at him all the time and because of it he pushed himself away. IE why he went fishing and to the bar all the time. i get that. But sometimes i wonder if hes mad at him to. For not understanding that i was going through post pardumn. or for the fact that he left his daughter at only 5 months old and when he returns for her birthday ( hopefully) that she won't remember him.
Another part of the reason he left for Wyoming is for a job. Michigan is in the shittier and probably will be for a couple more years. So that part is Totally understandable. His brother would call about everyday telling him about a new job opening in Wyoming and how the hell can that help!?!?!?! But now hes been there for a month and NO JOB! What the hell right. well personally i think it is because he drinks every fucking day and doesn't know how to grow up.
He tells me how much he misses allayna....but does he really. Is it something else. Sometimes i think that he only loves her; like an uncle or something but not as a parent. Sometimes i think he doesn't really want or can't handle the responsibility of being a parent. Which again is understandable. Its a lot to take on, and a lot to handle; especially at such a young age. but when i told him about me being pregnant....he was excited..... but did he like the idea of having a "real family" ( understanding that his day has been in and out of prison, mom with a million boyfriends, and all of his brothers and sisters were sent to group homes.) then the responsibility of actually having one????
WHO THE HELL KNOWS!!!!!!!
Things in life i suppose are looking up. I got a part time job bartending a couple nights a week. which is great cuz I'm not a huge fan of drinking or parting. so this way when all of my friends go out i get to see them and get paid!!! and I'm hoping I'll get into this CNA class. so i don't have to bartend for the rest of my life!!( not that there is nothing wrong with that there's just not retirement plan with most of those jobs) so I'm just hoping that that goes through.
Unfortunately things with Casey are not going as well as i would have hoped for. Tuesday we talked...fought... i forgot about it and left a voice mail of our daughter laughing. Wednesday I try to get ahold of him but his phones dead. So i call his brother, to let him know allayna has a cold and not feel well at all. His brother said that he would get ahold of him but i never heard from Casey. So I'm so mad at this. All I'm thinking is "why isn't he calling?" and " does he not care about allayna anymore?" So he finally calls on Friday say he didn't have service or a phone. so whatever. but while I'm telling him about things here he proceeds to tell me about his week and how he went out to the bar and got into a fight. and while hes saying this I'm thinking " I thought that you were out WORKING in the boondocks with no money or a vehicle.......HMMMM" but i didn't say anything cuz I'm trying really hard not to care or show that i care what hes doing
The point is that I'm not sure who Casey is mad at. ME or HIM??? I understand that he left ( part of the reason) because we didn't get along. No one was happy. I was mad at him all the time and because of it he pushed himself away. IE why he went fishing and to the bar all the time. i get that. But sometimes i wonder if hes mad at him to. For not understanding that i was going through post pardumn. or for the fact that he left his daughter at only 5 months old and when he returns for her birthday ( hopefully) that she won't remember him.
Another part of the reason he left for Wyoming is for a job. Michigan is in the shittier and probably will be for a couple more years. So that part is Totally understandable. His brother would call about everyday telling him about a new job opening in Wyoming and how the hell can that help!?!?!?! But now hes been there for a month and NO JOB! What the hell right. well personally i think it is because he drinks every fucking day and doesn't know how to grow up.
He tells me how much he misses allayna....but does he really. Is it something else. Sometimes i think that he only loves her; like an uncle or something but not as a parent. Sometimes i think he doesn't really want or can't handle the responsibility of being a parent. Which again is understandable. Its a lot to take on, and a lot to handle; especially at such a young age. but when i told him about me being pregnant....he was excited..... but did he like the idea of having a "real family" ( understanding that his day has been in and out of prison, mom with a million boyfriends, and all of his brothers and sisters were sent to group homes.) then the responsibility of actually having one????
WHO THE HELL KNOWS!!!!!!!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Here's the scoop
O.K. to start of I was going to give a bit of a history lesson. Just so there is no confusion.
Dec 28, 2008
one of my really good friends ( whos a guy) and i moved out to the state of wyoming. I'm from the state of Michigan. so anyways we lived there together for 7 months. While i was in wyoming i meet this other guy casey. By the way me and this friend of mine were not together; although he did confess his love. SO. Casey and I hit it off. We partied and hung out constantly. Then one day my guy friend came home super drunk. i had to work in the morning so i was pissed cuz all i wanted to do was sleep. We got into it about he loudness of the music. he threatened me and so i left. (he has spit on me and hit me before so this was a last straw) And when i mean i left i mean i went back to michigan.
August 9,2009
I find out im preganant. Instantly i knew it was Caseys. So i call him and tell him. Hes suprisingly excited. So therfore im glad. So we work it out so hes gunna move here to be with me throughout the pregancy.
MID OCTOBER 2009
Casey's shows up. My parents have gotten us an apartment. i get laid off both of my jobs.After a couple of weeks he finally gets a job at McDonald's.
DECEMBER......
His little brother whos 17 is homeless. His own family doesnt want him. So he come and lives with us. thats 3 people in a one bedroom appartment.
FEBRUARY 2009....
I kcik out his lil brother becasue hes a lazy peice of crap. and wont go to school or work or anything of that matter. So he moves back to wyoming. and i could care less what happens.
I have my baby shower. I kept the sex of my child a secret till then. the only people who knew were Casey and my mom ... and the people who were invited. ITS A GIRL!!!
APRIL....
I have my baby. Her name is Allayna.
JUNE>
Casey Allayna and i go to wyoming for his family reunion.. A two week vacation that turned into a month. While we were there.. Casey lied to me telling me he was working with his brother when really his was out drinking in cheyenne. Didn't come home till 4 in the morning DRUNK. And his brother beats up his girlfriend....and when i tried to call the cops he pushed me and took my phone. And left again a couple of days later becasue me and my daughter were stressing him out. GO FIGURE. All while we were sitting at home while he was out "working" with his brother.
SEPTEMBER 22, 2010
Casey left for wyoming. We fought all the time. Could not get allong whatso ever. And alought it hurt terriblly in the beginning. I soon learned that i was happier without him. I didn't have the worry of who he was talking to, or if was really fishing for eight hours a day.
So thers just a bit of my history. Im sure more will come out as i go on. But all for now.. I would hate to Over load
Dec 28, 2008
one of my really good friends ( whos a guy) and i moved out to the state of wyoming. I'm from the state of Michigan. so anyways we lived there together for 7 months. While i was in wyoming i meet this other guy casey. By the way me and this friend of mine were not together; although he did confess his love. SO. Casey and I hit it off. We partied and hung out constantly. Then one day my guy friend came home super drunk. i had to work in the morning so i was pissed cuz all i wanted to do was sleep. We got into it about he loudness of the music. he threatened me and so i left. (he has spit on me and hit me before so this was a last straw) And when i mean i left i mean i went back to michigan.
August 9,2009
I find out im preganant. Instantly i knew it was Caseys. So i call him and tell him. Hes suprisingly excited. So therfore im glad. So we work it out so hes gunna move here to be with me throughout the pregancy.
MID OCTOBER 2009
Casey's shows up. My parents have gotten us an apartment. i get laid off both of my jobs.After a couple of weeks he finally gets a job at McDonald's.
DECEMBER......
His little brother whos 17 is homeless. His own family doesnt want him. So he come and lives with us. thats 3 people in a one bedroom appartment.
FEBRUARY 2009....
I kcik out his lil brother becasue hes a lazy peice of crap. and wont go to school or work or anything of that matter. So he moves back to wyoming. and i could care less what happens.
I have my baby shower. I kept the sex of my child a secret till then. the only people who knew were Casey and my mom ... and the people who were invited. ITS A GIRL!!!
APRIL....
I have my baby. Her name is Allayna.
JUNE>
Casey Allayna and i go to wyoming for his family reunion.. A two week vacation that turned into a month. While we were there.. Casey lied to me telling me he was working with his brother when really his was out drinking in cheyenne. Didn't come home till 4 in the morning DRUNK. And his brother beats up his girlfriend....and when i tried to call the cops he pushed me and took my phone. And left again a couple of days later becasue me and my daughter were stressing him out. GO FIGURE. All while we were sitting at home while he was out "working" with his brother.
SEPTEMBER 22, 2010
Casey left for wyoming. We fought all the time. Could not get allong whatso ever. And alought it hurt terriblly in the beginning. I soon learned that i was happier without him. I didn't have the worry of who he was talking to, or if was really fishing for eight hours a day.
So thers just a bit of my history. Im sure more will come out as i go on. But all for now.. I would hate to Over load
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